yes I'm growing boobs, celebrate please

affirming changes and celebrating every damn thing we can

Yesterday I found myself googling “are my nipples too small to get pierced?”

It was a nice reminder that my boobs are in a place where I just want to keep showing them off. I was wearing something without a bra and people definitely noticed and I was feeling good about that. I didn’t feel uncomfortable, I didn’t want to hide myself. I like causing gender panic. That’s just kind of where I’m at in gender expression right now and where I fit in people’s perception of me. I do not pass as a cis-woman I don’t give off completely cis-man vibes. I’m in this whoa what’s going on here this person is just cute and what?

Also, it did look, from the answers I saw, that I could indeed get the piercing, it might just look a little different than someone with really big nipples and that’s ok.

The thing is, I have really enjoyed growing boobs. It is maybe the most juvenile yet affirming part of HRT transition for me. Like, I have to be honest, I feel really good about how my body is receiving my estrogen and progesterone medications after a year. There is no way to know what kind of changes will come when you start medical transition. Genes play a huge role, the dosage you’re on plays a huge role, how much you can afford because of your insurance plays a huge role. You start taking these little pills and then just wait.

I need to do my usual notification and reiteration and reminder that amount of breast tissue in no way reflects how much or how little one is a woman. I know men with lots of it and women with little of it. One does not need to have boobs to be a woman nor need to be free of them to be a man. Non-binary people have boobs or don’t, none of it matters unless it does to you!

And I guess that’s what I am here shouting, they do matter to me, they do affirm my identity right now, they do feel right on my body when I look in the mirror or walk around in a waffle knit bodysuit that fits tight to my body.

I’m saying to myself it’s ok to love this.

My god is it ever ok for every single trans and non-binary person to just openly love what is right for them.

Do you love that little mustache that’s starting to grow? I love that for you!

Do you love that the hair on your back is gone? That is fucking amazing!

Is your skin softer, your hair oilier? Is there a single thing that is happening that you absolutely love waking up and seeing?

Dylan Mulvaney recently shared similar thoughts on her Instagram after facial feminization surgery. That while not all trans people look for affirming surgeries or hormones, when they do, every single one of those is a win. And every one of those should be celebrated and supported no matter if that trans person has millions of followers or three friends they talk to from time to time.

There is nothing that is too small for us to celebrate. There is so much difficulty and hardness in transition and change that every single piece of gentleness and softness deserves our public recognition. I don’t want to feel alone in everything that feels good because I’m so worried about how it will be received by everyone that doesn’t know how big it feels to like having less hair on my chest.

A lot about being me is being me openly and happily.

I sometimes catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror when I’m wearing something like the abovementioned piece and think “holy shit, my body grew those!” Puberty starting at 42 is a bizarre trip, one where you are really aware of what is happening to your body and a little more mentally prepared for those changes, but it still comes as such a freaking surprise when your body changes like that.

While there is a lot about older puberty that is really hard—the thoughts about how my body could look had I started this pre-first puberty being the main one, there is so much beauty in being able to watch myself change when I have my brain in this space as well.

I am trying to step into my middle-aged trans life and the comfort it gives me instead of the discomfort that others can give me with their reactions to me. If it’s looking at my boobs in the mirror to offset the misgendering that happens, then I’m going to do that guilt-free. Or I’m going to try and do it more often.

The thing about trans joy being shared is that it is a privilege that you get to experience someone sharing it with you. Whether that’s someone sharing it one on one with you or someone like me who is sharing it more widely. This growth is amazing and beautiful and unlike anything else you get to witness. I don’t want to pretend it isn’t special to share and that I’m not special for getting to experience it.