I know I look good in a swimsuit, let me feel safe

the way too intimidating act of wearing swim fabric in public

Why is wearing a bathing suit so difficult?

I mean, the physical act of wearing some of them can actually be difficult because of the complexity of straps, but mostly, I’m referring to the emotional act of putting one on, looking at yourself in the mirror, and wearing it out in public in front of others and having a good time in the bathing suit.

I have four of them now that are one-piece bathing suits that I have very specifically selected because they feel like me and they are made by queer people I like just so I feel as comfortable as possible when walking around in public wearing them.

And yet, the idea of actually wearing any of them is rather terrifying. Because no matter what, all I can think of is how everyone at the beach or the pool will be looking at me and thinking “why are they wearing the wrong bathing suit?”

We are going on vacation soon and the majority of this will be spent in a bathing suit, hopefully by water with drinks of our choice and people we love, and yet panic is once again setting in. I can shave my legs and wax my butt and have bought the most perfect cover up and have beautiful hats and sunglasses as accessories, and still I worry about intoxicated strangers acknowledging me in my bathing suit.

Bathing suits are hard for so many people, and it sucks. Swimming is amazing, water is amazing, beaches are wonderful, the ocean is magical, your opinion of our bodies in what we want to wear around all of these is shit.

I feel so scared about what my body looks like in a one-piece bathing suit even though when I am at home looking at myself I feel so euphoric. I know it is not me, I know it is not my breasts or my crotch that makes me hate the way I look. It is your opinion and hurtful views on what one should wear. It’s your looks and whispers.

For some people it’s weight, for some people it’s scars, for some people it’s body parts that aren’t perceived to match the suit they are wearing, there are so many reasons why we do not wearing bathing suits in public and none of them are our fault, and more important than that, none of these things are reasons for not wearing a bathing suit or for you thinking anyone needs to “cover up” or “wear something else.”

Our bodies are beautiful and our own and deserve a space. This space does not need to be earned through diet of gender reassignment surgery or through long sleeved bathing tops and t-shirts.

I am not looking for compliments on a bathing suit when I’m in public, I’m looking for safety. I know I look good, I have looked at myself in the mirror often, I have seen my tattoos and my body in this suit. I will not use this space, a public space, my social media spaces to debate this. I know I look different than what your perception of someone in this type of bathing suit is. I do not need to be reminded of that. I just want to exist without being looked at at all. Just go about your swimming day with your family and friends.

The moment I wore my first feminine bathing suit in public was very very big for me. I was supported by Andrea, the kids, and some super amazing trans friends. With this space created, on a little beach on Salt Spring Island, it felt absolutely amazing. I felt loved and free as myself. Nobody commented, nobody stopped me, I just swam in the freezing cold water and enjoyed being there.

This is not too much to ask for anyone who wants to wear something swimming. It is asking for human care. When space is created with care, there is so much room to just be a person and to not hyperfocus on every person looking your way and what actions they might take against you.

That you have to do literally nothing to create a safe space is the thing that makes this all so irritating and frustrating. You just have to learn to not be an asshole and that’s just so easy to do. I will learn this with you for the people around me too. Please, please, just learn to not have comments on people. Not in public, not in private, not at the pool, not whispered, not to your kids. Just let bathing suits be pieces of fabric that facilitate being in the sun and in water.

You can think about how cute I look in private, that I give you permission for.