How can dads talk to their kids about trans people?
and really just make sure they have good information
In almost every interview or podcast I have done around my own transition, I have talked about how it was giving our kids access to sexual and reproductive health information that helped me discover a lot about my own transness.
*PLEASE NOTE. KNOWING WHAT BEING TRANS IS DOES NOT MAKE YOU TRANS SO DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT TRANS PEOPLE. IT SIMPLY HELPS TRANS PEOPLE LIVE MORE COMFORTABLE LIVES.*
The way we talk to our kids is important, I think we all know this. And the way we talk to other people is also important to how our kids grow up. The same way kids are influenced by their friends, they are influenced by how we interact with our friends and other grownups around us.
When dads are present in a family, they play a very important role when it comes to talking to their kids about trans people and how wonderful and loved they should be. Dads are not just barbequing jokesters. Dads provide care and emotion and love to kids and to those around them. In an era where we can see masculinity described so coldly and hatefully be people like Matt Walsh and his ilk (an ilk of which there are so many), it is important that men are loud about their opposition to these kinds of displays. These displays lead to death. Truly. Whether that be suicide or murder or assault, that’s what happens.
Dads can’t just talk about raising strong boys though. Dads can’t even just talk about raising emotionally mature boys or boys who just know how to support their other friends who are boys and help them when they need to talk to someone. As a parent of any gender, you need to be aware, prepared, and full of love at the idea that your own child could be trans. And that is a beautiful possibility. Are they trans? Who knows? Is it likely? statistically, no, but teaching them and creating space for them to perhaps be doesn’t change anything about the way you should raise kids filled with this information anyway.
This is a non-exhaustive, really easy list. Yes, I am focusing on the fathers here. Mothers get asked to do so much, and in talking about my own transition I realized I expected a lot of this to come from the mother side. That’s crap. All parents should have a role to play in real, comprehensive, safe, caring education. Boys, girls, all kids benefit from all parents having access and being safe people to talk to about gender discussions.
So after my ramble, here is a list of a few things you can do!
Do not, in any circumstances, make transphobic jokes or let friends tell them without you stopping them.
Expose kids to media with trans people and don’t make it weird. Trans people are in movies, in shows, make art, make music that is really good.
Follow trans people on social media so you can see very clearly just how peopl-y trans people are.
Tell them when they have been mean to trans people. This is incredibly wild to have to say but kids have been outright awful to me and I really hope parents understand that it’s not ok.
Don’t stop educating yourself. Or them.
Read about just how violent the world can be to trans people. Not only mean with words violence, mean with physical violence violence. Read statistics on murders of trans people of color and murders of trans youth.
Remember what I wrote above earlier about your kids could be trans? Remember all the time that your kids could be trans? You don’t need to ask them every morning if they are, but make sure they have access to information from organizations like Scarleteen or Action Canada so they know what being trans is. And make sure they know they can come to you with questions.
Do not support political parties that support the removal of affirming care of trans youth. It is that simple. Don’t support them publicly, don’t support them quietly when you vote.
