holy, holy the power of a mullet on a 43-year-old lady

queering my hair and the power of safe stylists

When I was a kid in the 90s the haircut I have now might have been considered very serious hockey hair. It could have been envisioned flying out the back of my helmet as I played Peewee hockey. Jaromir Jagr or Mario Lemieux kind of stuff.

Today, at the age of 43, my mullet is one of the most transfeminine gender affirming things in my life. It is absolutely mesmerizing how transformative a haircut can be and it doesn’t matter if that haircut is long or short or if it involves bangs or shaved sides of the head. It is more about being able to see yourself in it than it does anything else.

It is hair, how can something be so singlehandedly important to expression? And to identity even?

The thing is, a haircut is a lot more than having hair cut when it’s done in an affirming way? It’s looking through pictures of your dream haircuts, it’s your stylist using your name throughout your session, it’s being gendered correctly, it’s having gender neutral spaces in the building.

For me, it is important that people understand that a haircut is a mindful experience for many trans and non-binary people. It isn’t just another task during the day, it’s an experience, an opportunity to reshape ourselves again.

I don’t know the science behind it (because there probably isn’t much) but the hairstyles I like now are just ones I have always dreamed about. They may be styles popular for women when I was 8 or things I see on Pinterest that just scream “this is super queer” to me. The thing is that right now, I just don’t want to hold back on what I do with my hair. I don’t have a 43-year-old hairstyle. I’m up for just changing the idea of what that means entirely.

It’s also important to me that I share with any trans person out there thinking about making a change to their hair but worried about doing it, that for me it has been an absolutely wonderful experience. I so strongly encourage you to look for someone who will be safe and want to make sure you know there are people out there who will be safe for you. The Dresscode Project has a list of these places and also works with salons and shops to teach stylists to be safe places for gender creative people.

You deserve affordable hair care. You deserve loving hair care. You deserve someone who sees long term importance of what you want and works for that. You deserve someone who knows how important every part of your appointment is.

I’ve been so lucky to have many of these so-called transformative haircuts as part of my transition and many stylists who have been involved in creating a space that felt safe to do these things. There is great privilege for me having been able to access these people over time and it has also been something I have really sought out. I have worked with people who are barbers and people who work primarily with women’s hair and now I’m just going to someone who specializes in creating mullets.

I guess all of this is to say, there is something and someone for you.