Daily journal: facial feminization surgery

how hair can frame my face in amazing ways

Now that my hair is getting longer and I haven’t had a meltdown in which I have shaved it all off (yet), we’ve been playing with ways I can braid it and pin it back and really just have my hair do anything other than just sit on my head.

Honestly, this is giving my great great feels of warmth and joy.

For multiple reasons I guess. First, I am absolutely one of those people who could have their hair played with for days. I would stay awake for 100 hours just to feel the sensation of someone doing my hair or playing with my hair. So if Hannah is going to try new styles for me, I am going to let every single one happen.

I’m also open to anyone coming over and trying their best at any hairstyle they’d like to try if it means I get to have my hair played with for hours. This is very truly the most wonderful experience that exists for me.

Second, I absolutely love the look of my hair when it is pinned up or in braids or in ponytails or bunches or anything that can be thought of. I don’t take them out from the time they go in until the last minute before bed. In fact, I even try to sleep with them but I’m told this could hurt my very sensitive skin and I don’t want that.

It might not come as a surprise that growing up with short hair, I did not play around with braided hairstyles very much as a child. And I don’t have great coordination at the moment to be able to do this on my own in the morning but hairstyles and learning something like this is very much like learning makeup for me. I might be slow and not too great at the moment, but I have the time to learn how to do this for myself. It is fun to think about spending time for myself on my hair (provided I can keep my frustration at not being good at it to a minimum).

Because honestly look at those pictures, look how absolutely adorable I look with my hair pulled back. It’s making all the hair growth tediousness worthwhile and makes me enjoy putting on makeup even more. It gets me wanting to show off my face and wanting to dress up and have people look at me.

It’s still strange to me that these little moments can happen this far along into transition. That there are still new little discoveries I can make about myself. That’s also a really hopeful feeling to have. Knowing there are still things to come that will excite me and get me posing in front of the mirror and doing my lipstick and twirling in dresses.