Daily journal: facial feminization surgery

it's happening, consultation on

I made it through my doctor’s appointment and she was very helpful in making the referral to the clinic and to a new endocrinologist even though that waitlist is long.

Not surprisingly, when they took my blood pressure (unrelated to referrals), it was high. We took it a total of 13 times and eventually I had a good enough series of numbers that we were allowed to proceed. I also measured under six feet tall which in transition, felt great. I love being under six feet tall now, in a way I always loved being six feet tall in my past life.

I felt lonely, it felt very clinical, I could have used Charlotte there making silly jokes.

But anyway, one step closer to looking at a face I can stop turning away from in the mirror. A face I don’t have to share from only specific angles in pictures.

Even just using a feminizing feature on Instagram I get a bit giddy. I still see me, just a more me, me. It's impossible to explain unless you experience it.

Overall today is just hard. It's a positive day that feels hard. If you're on the same path, you know there are so many obstacles and so many moments you hold on to yourself. So many feelings and emotions and worries and concerns desperate fears you don't share.

Today a big hurdle got cleared and I'm extremely happy. I know you can clear your hurdles too. I know you think you might not be able to and I know there's so much in the way. Money, support, time off work, transphobia, internalized transphobia, governments making supporting us illegal.

Today I got through an appointment on my own. And I cried.