Daily journal: facial feminization surgery

surrounded by language that doesn't help

I listen to people around me talk about how hard it is for trans people to get through the day without being misgendered. It is kind of strange because outside of my personal circles I don’t usually hear this talked about. But here I am at work and it’s happening. I’m not part of the discussions, I just want to get some work done before taking my daughter to therapy this afternoon.

I hear the phrase “even normal women” when someone is trying to describe how difficult it is for women to work in male dominated fields and try to close my ears, something that doesn’t work. It was not said in a mean way, it was actually said in a conversation very much in support of trans people, and yet, it is a reminder that people lack language and practice on how to speak about us when we aren’t in front of them.

Normal women.

Real men.

Naturally women.

You name it, someone has used it politely as a way to describe a trans person against themselves or some other cisgender person.

It is a reminder again that no matter what changes are done, I need to make sure I do them for me, and I need to make sure I am ready for me to be happy with who I am with these changes. People’s language will continue to be hurtful after surgery. It will continue to be after other surgeries too.

I DO hope that I get misgendered less after surgery, but that’s not the driving force behind it.

You need to practice how you talk about trans and gender non-conforming people. You need to be prepared to talk to those around you about how their language, while maybe well-intentioned, is hurtful.

Take three seconds in a conversation to think of the right way, or at least, not the wrong way, to talk about people. Three seconds feels like an eternity in a conversation, but I promise you, it's worth it.

I recognize there are lots of situations I need to do this in as well, lots of terms I need to work through my brain to find the right one. It's important, we'll do it.